There are all kinds of reasons as to why someone would want to be a romantic relationship with another person. And yet for some people, they are going to do everything they can to avoid getting one. This can be due to them becoming fiercely independent and not wanting to depend on another person; having trust issues plus a deep fear of intimacy for instance.
And for others, the need to be in a relationship can appear to be their whole focus of life. If they are in one, they are happy and when they are not in one, they are more of less despondent. It is then not then a situation of finding someone who is appropriate, it is basically about finding someone who will take away this pain.
After that there are other people who are fairly happy with themselves and enjoy spending their time with another person or who want to find an additional to share their life with. Yet whether they are in a relationship or are not in one, they still appreciate their own time and are not determined by another to make them feel good regarding themselves.
So it is clear that within each of these dynamics and others that exist, individuals have different views about what a romantic relationship is for and what it is not for. At this point, some people will be fairly clear about what another person can give them and what these people can’ t.
And when it comes to others, this won’ capital t be something that is consciously thought about. A feeling or urge rises in their body and action is after that taken. They are then attracted to someone who they believe will fulfil individuals needs and wants.
There is no question of if the some other person can actually fulfil these or if the way one is acting is usually healthy and functional. This will usually be something that takes place automatically and without too much thinking taking place.
The body and heart is taking lead and the mind is remaining wondering what is going on. One’ s mind could even be left to pick up the pieces, once cracks appear in the relationship or when it comes to an end.
However , before long, the need to find another person could derail the minds attempt to make sense of all things. The next relationship is then underway and the cycle could be repeated once again.
If one doesn’ t leave the relationship due to some thing not being right, they could actually stay in the relationship and put up with the proceedings. This could be some kind of mild to severe abuse. Or perhaps one is just in the relationship that is not fulfilling and doesn’ t match their deepest requirements and wants and what they truly value in life.
The Power Of Pain
So as one is seeking a relationship or going into a relationship based on inner unrest, it is clear that that this is not a conscious process. The particular overwhelming pain that they are experiencing inside is causing them to act in manners that could be described as compulsive.
And pain is something everyone feels and this is not something to become ashamed of. What will be the difference is usually how aware one is of their discomfort and in what they do about it. For the person who is in pain and is simply allowing that pain dictate their have to be in a relationship, they are letting this rule them.
On the inside this pain can relate to one sensation: alone, empty, rejected, abandoned, unlovable, unworthy, depressed, suicidal and worthless and many other feelings. And if any of these feelings are strong enough, another person can be searched for to stop one from feeling all of them.
The other person will be used as a way to regulate how one feels; the feelings are unlikely to completely disappear. What they will do is become protected up for a short time. And as these feelings are so powerful, it won’ capital t matter who the other person is; what matters is that they can help one to run away from themselves.
What can play a big part in how one manages their pain is what they have visit learn about relationships and what their purpose is. This can be based on what you have learnt about relationships through the part models they have had throughout their life and other forms of education.
In society this can consist of: celebrities, films, teachers and music. And at a more personal level, this is often the result of one’ s friends and family users. Unless one has consciously decided to learn about relationships and what their purpose is usually, it is unlikely that they will just simply understand how to have healthy relationships.
Although one physically grows up as time goes by, it doesn’ t mean that one also grows up emotionally. Emotional growth is something that is generally ignored within today’ s society and often depends upon one taking personal responsibility.
So this can mean that one may end up being emotionally stuck and have emotional needs that are more relevant to children than an adult. And how they really feel at this moment in their life could be the result of what happened to them many years ago.
The feelings that are causing them to attract the wrong types of people and to be in relationships for the wrong reasons have to be let go and not acted upon. Through regressing to a child, one can view other people as caregivers and not human beings who may have their own needs and wants.
As this is the case, it will imply that they will be unable to meet some of the requirements and wants that one has. Exactly what this person can do is satisfy certain needs and wants, but not all of them.
One can feel the need to merge or enmesh with another the same as they merged with a caregiver. And from this place, another person will be seen as their missing piece and the answer to being whole again.
When in reality, one is already entire. And what is stopping them from realising this is what needs to be let go and this is creating the illusion of just one being incomplete. And if one had been to identify with the feeling of being clear for instance, then it is not much of a surprise that they feel something is missing.
When these feelings and emotions are usually overwhelming and cause one to continually end up in relationships that are dysfunctional and stop one form being able to appreciate their very own time, it might be necessary to seek some type of assistance.
These stuck feelings and emotions can be launched with the help or therapist or healer who allows one to encounter them and gradually release all of them. To engage in some kind of self research will also be beneficial and assist one in developing new ways of taking a look at relationships and themselves.