Do you find yourself choosing a similar wrong partner over and over? This is what Laura asks about:
“ How can I get past the point of selecting destructive and abusive relationships over and over just because I grew up in an violent and dysfunctional family? Is it preferable to just remain single and develop with God and be a good mom and not gravitate toward craziness? ”
Laura, there are a number associated with issues here that need to be resolved.
1 . All of us tend to pick people like the parents and then try to have control over getting love from them.
The wounded part of you may believe that if only you can get an violent, unloving person to love you, it will really mean something. More than seeking a loving relationship, the wounded self wants control over getting love.
The problem is that this will never work. We cannot have control over producing an unloving person be loving. As you were growing up in your violent family, you could not allow yourself to experience the truth of this. To survive, you needed to convince yourself that there was something you could do to get enjoy from your parents. This is a huge false belief which you are continuing to work from in your current relationships.
2 . Others often treat us the way we treat ourselves.
Given that you come from an abusive loved ones, it’ s likely that you have discovered to treat yourself the way your mothers and fathers treated you and the way they treated themselves. Until you learn to love your self rather than abandon yourself, you will continue to attract abusive relationships.
3. Staying single may not be the answer
Most of us want to share love and we are lonely when we don’ t possess anyone with whom to share love. It might not be loving to yourself to stay single.
An addition, many of our deepest issues that need recovery come forward in relationships. The challenge is finding a partner who is available to learning with themselves and with you so that the two of you can journey together through your healing process. The more you available to learning with your feelings and your Assistance, the more you will be able to attract an open person with whom you can learn and grow.
The real challenge is to become the kind of person with whom you want to share love. This, more than anything, will break the particular cycle of attracting the wrong partner. I suggest that you take some time to do your Inner Bonding work to develop your spiritually connected loving adult self who can take loving care of your inner child. You will see that the more you learn to be loving to your self, rather than abandon yourself, the more you will attract loving people into your existence.
4. You may not be able to do this alone
When you grow up with no part models of loving yourself, you might need several help in learning how to do this. Reaching out intended for help in learning how to connect with your personal source of spiritual guidance, and what it looks like to love yourself is an important part of consuming loving care of yourself. We all need support in shifting out of self-abandonment and into seeing and identifying our beautiful essence. When you are in a position to define your intrinsic worth as love, and are able to see that your ego wounded self is not you, you will have a much easier time taking loving care of yourself.
All of us take care of that which we value, so the more you see and value your special essence, the more you will naturally consider loving care of yourself, and this will be reflected in your relationships.